Is it more important to love or be loved?

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 14 voices, and was last updated by Apple Apple 1 year, 4 months ago.

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)
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  • #511
    Bridget
    Bridget
    Participant

    Every couple has a unique model of relationship, but as far as I can tell it is always asymmetric, i.e. someone loves more than he/she is loved. Even the slightest asymmetry is always there.Whether you will be in the shoes of the lover or the loved one, will depend on your personal history, as well as your goals in life that you may not be fully aware of consciously. So your ideal partner is someone who fits your asymmetric scheme well, whichever pole you are on.To be loved is like standing in front of a buffet. It means nothing if you are not hungry. To love is to enjoy that buffet. The way I love my mother, my family, my husband, my children, my friends… they all make my heart swell in different ways. You have to be hungry first. You have to feel what it is like to love someone before you can understand what an honor it is to be loved.

    #514
    Monica
    Monica
    Participant

    To love someone is most important. The highest calling is to love without knowing one will be loved back. We mammals easily love as a mechanism to assure being loved back. It’s second nature to carry on mutually beneficial relationships. But to step away and to love, to give, to care for those we know won’t care for us is what calls out our inner enlightenment. This is our generation’s renaissance. The Dalai Lama calls it detached compassion.If you do not “love someone”, it doesn’t matter how many people “love” you–you will not feel their love as more than an ego boost.It is more important to love than to be loved, for only by loving can you “own” (i.e. feel) the experience of love and thereby participate in the potential reciprocity of love.

    #525
    Molly
    Molly
    Participant

    I hold it true, whate’er befall;
    I feel it, when I sorrow most;
    ‘Tis better to have loved and lost
    Than never to have loved at all.
    Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam:27, 1850
    When I was young, many long years ago, this was my favorite poem. Very romantic, very tragic, very saccharin.Now that I’m older, much older, I know that loving someone isn’t quite so tragic, not nearly as romantic and comes with a lot more calories.To have found someone to love so much on this journey, and we’ve been journeying together for almost 32 years, has been the most important thing in my life.My life has been shaped by loving him, and let me tell you, it hasn’t always been a bowl of cherries, but I wouldn’t change this journey for nothin…Lucky for me he loves me back.

    #528
    Milka
    Milka
    Participant

    If I don’t love the person who gives me love, I probably won’t wait to see it through.If I love a person who doesn’t love me back, I’d be stuck forever wondering why?Ideally, no one would want to be stuck anywhere, take love from wherever they get it and move forward. I am now going to tell you I don’t feel the same. Personally, it’s more important for me to love than be loved. Of course, I want love in return, but if I don’t get it right away, I’ll wait. I cannot explain this and I don’t say this should be the norm, but loving seems more fulfilling to me. I can’t rely on being loved: on loving, I can.

    #539
    Kate
    Kate
    Participant

    I would say to love is definitely the choice. It is your decision to love, but the decision of others to reciprocate that.In the eyes of the Roman stoic philosopher, Epicletus, one of three things that do not depend on our efforts is honor or love. We cannot determine if someone loves us, even if it is something we want or aim for, because no matter what, other people have the control of interpreting who you are and generating an opinion of you.Instead, what we can control is ourselves and the choices we make. Our decision to love is one that requires a lot of emotion and genuine care, and we can only hope to be loved back. Epicletus believed we cannot live concerning ourselves with consequence and results. What should be our focus, however, is simply the decisions we make. Worrying of the results makes us live in the future, and not fully engage in the now.Therefore, giving love, loving others, matters much more and should be our focus, rather than doing all we can to be loved.

    #542
    Alice
    Alice
    Participant

    I think it is equally important to have both love and to be loved. Personally, I don’t know a feeling worse than loving someone and not having them not love you.
    Ideal situation will be:When you love someone you will usually get love in return. Usually the love you get will be greater than the love you give. Both are important but how are you supposed to get love when your not giving love. You have to love yourself first before anyone else can love you, so love yourself first then love others. Then you will see that love is infinite.
    What actually need is:It feels Better to be loved because then you can learn to love the other person
    Scary part is:Some people are selfish and only want to receive love. Some people are insecure and don’t feel worthy of being loved. Some people are cold inside and are incapable of giving or receiving love. In short, in a good relationship, both people have a willingness to give and receive love.

    #561
    Clea
    Clea
    Participant

    To love. Because when a person loves you and you cannot answer him, this person, however good, kind and caring he is, begins to irritate you. And when you love, the world becomes brighter and you become better, better sides of you are opened. And you can change the world with a power of love. Love is a strong weapon which can heal you. And love is not only something that you feel to your husband. You should love yourself. You should love your family. You should love your job. You should love the world. And this is the only possible way for you to be happy and to live a full life. Being loved is also important, but if to choose, I choose to love

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Clea Clea.
    #578

    Saglara
    Participant

    I think that these two things can’t exist separately. To tell the truth I want to love and be loved because I cannot be happy without one of them. The feeling of love is impossible to describe, you can only feel it. I wish everybody to love and be loved by a person you love.

    #586
    Sarah
    Sarah
    Participant

    To my mind, of course there can be a difference between love of man and love of his woman…It happens because all of us – we are very different, everyone has his own experience, his own heart and his own outlook on life…But it is so wonderful thing that we can do – is to love, i think it’s a gift from heaven to feel such a deep emotion, despite of the fact, whether it is mutual or not. I think nothing can be compared with love…So, i remembered one poem of famous writer Omar Khayam, where he said, that it is so sad to live with love: How sad, a heart that
    does not know how to love, that
    does not know what it is to be drunk with love.
    If you are not in love, how can you enjoy
    the blinding light of the sun,
    the soft light of the moon?
    So, i ask all people not to be afraid of love and not to be afraid of another love, than you have, love can have many sides and it’s amazing! Make love, not war :good:

    #678

    Daria
    Participant

    After reading today an overview article about Hugh Jackman, I caught the phrase “Better to love than to be loved.”
    I had a bitter experience of relationships when I am much more fond of the young man, what he gave me, and so is now in search of the second half I’m not sure it would be right to love itself more. Such relationships have taught me to be cautious in expressing feelings to the partner, but because I am now afraid to love herself, and inclined to think that to be loved better.

    #711
    Ana
    Ana
    Participant

    i do not even know. i think that love is the greatest thing and we all have to love someone in order to understand the happiness in life. t is much easier to cope with all the problems when you love someone and when someone loves you. i do not know what i will do if i am alone and do not have my beloved man. i think that it is very good to feel the support and the help of your boyfriend. with the love you get i think that you may overcome all the obstacles and you may get everything you want. do not worry abut anything, i wish you good luck and more love in the world. you would be the happiest person.

    #776

    Donna
    Participant

    A man who is really worthy, never let you suffer. He will try to do everything to make you well with him. That he will be ready to perform for you feats, beautiful things, will all his strength to protect you, to protect and to do everything for your happiness, comfort and tranquility. Because of this and cry is not a sin, but as is well known: “No person in the world is not worthy of your tears, and the one who is worthy – will never make you cry.” Do not spill your tears because of unworthy men, they are not worth it. This does not mean you have to just accept love without giving anything in return. Not at all. Loving you need and give part of their soul, too, is necessary, but only to those who deserve it. Not the one who does not appreciate you, considering themselves the center of the universe and spit on your feelings, but to him who cherishes you sincerely.

    #781
    Mila
    Mila
    Participant

    i also do not know, because i have enver thought about it. we can not even imagine how strong this feeling is. i definitely feel healing when my husband hugs and kisses me. it is very pleasant when you have the person who supports you and does not live. you are sure in this person and trust him all your secrets. surgery is a very serious thing, especially hysterectomy when you do not have children. you psychological state would depends on your husband’s behaviour, it may calm you down but at the same time it may kill you.but i believe that we all have chosen the right second halves and our love would cure all the disease we suffer from. true love may heal everything.

    #853
    Apple
    Apple
    Participant

    Even the slightest asymmetry is always there.Whether you will be in the shoes of the lover or the loved one, will depend on your personal history, as well as your goals in life that you may not be fully aware of consciously. So your ideal partner is someone who fits your asymmetric scheme well, whichever pole you are on.To be loved is like standing in front of a buffet. It means nothing if you are not hungry. To love is to enjoy that buffet. The way I love my mother, my family, my husband, my children, my friends… they all make my heart swell in different ways. You have to be hungry first. You have to feel what it is like to love someone before you can understand what an honor it is to be loved.

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